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from This Love by Grace Defined

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lyrics

I am afraid.
Hiding behind these masks how long can I last
But to be unveiled I do not dare
For the outcome I could not bear
Would you laugh, would you cry, Would you turn away and not look back?
But I desire to be known, to be loved and seen as I am truly
So here is my attempt at transparency
Dear friend, can I be honest
Can I be real with you?
If I do you must promise not to turn away or love me any less
I must confess
In my mind I've told you a thousand times
Practiced these lines like the star of a play
Never to grace the stage for fear grips my heart
Looking into your eyes I wonder
What if I disgust you embarrass you or put you to shame
Could my unveiling lead you to curse my name
No! No, maybe this battle's too much to bear maybe this cross I'm called to bear alone
But I desire to be known, to be loved and seen as I am truly
So here I go again
Dear friend, daily I fight this war between the man I'm known to be the man I want to be
And the man I daily see
In the mirror I cannot hide I cannot lie
These desires I have are real
Now I know this isn't right
But please hear my plight rather than see the stain upon my name
Please tell me you'll love me all the same
For years I've carried this alone Fighting my heart and my mind
Standing on the promise I hoped was true
That my God would see me through
Though by faith they say I'm healed
In the present my thoughts are real
They lead me to question who I am
Unsure if I am a real man
So I cling to my God, despite those that say He hates who I am
But how can God hate me if He loves every man
So I fight my companions in tow
Fear doubt shame and hate
All I really know
They haunt my every day, bombard me and tell me that I'm gay
Unworthy of God's and redemption unable to walk away
What they don't know is I've seen the eyes of my Saviour
And they tell me I'm'a be ok
Yea I fight
In the secret my battle remains
No one knows my plight
No one knows its name
But I desire to be known
To be loved and seen as I am truly
That's what I would say if I had the strength to share my heart with you
But the truth is I fear that the truth will tear my heart apart.
So I continue to play my part
A balancing act between the man you know
The man I am
And the man by Gods grace I will one day be
A man that is free.

credits

from This Love, released August 11, 2015

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Grace Defined Ottawa, Ontario

Rose-Ingrid Benjamin is a member of the Haitian diaspora settled on Turtle Island. She is a singer, actor, writer, and educator creating at the intersection of art, faith, and justice. She has performed poetry and original music at venues across North America, combining Pop and R&B with gospel influences alongside her booming vocals and poetic musings. ... more

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